Who I Was Before Christ!!!

There are parts of my story that still make me want to cry, scream, and fall to my knees. But I'm writing this with fire in my bones, because who I was before Christ is not who I am today. And maybe, just maybe, someone out there needs to know that their before doesn’t have to define their after.

Before Christ, I was empty.

Ek het gehuil in die nag wanneer almal slaap. My pillow knew the weight of my secrets. I was the woman who smiled in public but bled in private. I was lost, addicted, angry, and carrying trauma like it was a second skin. I had buried pain so deep that I didn’t even recognize myself anymore.

Before Christ, I was a people pleaser.

Ek het gesmeek vir liefde, settled for crumbs, and gave pieces of myself away just to feel something — anything. I didn’t know what boundaries were. I let men, memories, and mindsets control my identity. I was addicted to validation. I didn’t think I was worthy of God’s love, let alone any love.

Before Christ, I was a fighter — but for all the wrong things.

I fought to survive, not to live. I fought to numb the pain, not heal it. I was a stoner mom, dissociating just to make it through the day, while pretending I was okay. I was angry, bitter, and broken. Ek was moeg. Moeg vir baklei. Moeg vir myself. Moeg vir die lewe.

Before Christ, I was ashamed.

Ashamed of what I did. Ashamed of what was done to me. Ashamed that I couldn’t fix my marriage. Ashamed that I wasn’t the mother my kids deserved. Ashamed that I knew God existed… but I felt too dirty to approach Him.

But God.
Maar God…

When I fell flat on my face, crying on a bathroom floor, He met me there.

Not in a church building. Not in some holy moment. But in my brokenness. In my addiction. In my betrayal. In my darkest hour.

And for the first time… I felt seen.

He didn’t ask me to clean up before coming.
He came into my mess, my trauma, my pain — and He stayed.


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I am no longer that woman.

She died so I could rise.
She cried so I could speak.
She fell so I could learn to stand.

Before Christ, I was chaos wrapped in perfume. Now, I am peace, even when the storm rages.

Before Christ, I was the girl who couldn’t breathe. Now, I inhale grace and exhale shame.

Before Christ, I hated myself.
Now… I love the woman God is restoring every day.


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To the woman still in her "before":
You are not too far gone.
Your shame does not scare Him.
Your story is not over.

Let Him in. Not just into your good parts — let Him into your brokenness too.

Because who you were before Christ… is not who you have to stay.


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If this post touched you, let me know. Let’s grow, heal, and rise together, one story at a time. Ek is lief vir jou, selfs al ken ek jou nie.

Buy Me a Coffee: https://coff.ee/Moena

Join my Academy on Skool: https://www.skool.com/royalebusinessacademy/about?ref=c7fa4956c7cb4e868ea13305431c4f26

Support via PayPal: https://www.paypal.me/MummyhustlewithMoena


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#FaithOverFear #FromBrokenToBeautiful #HealingMomma #MoenaUnfiltered #JesusSavedMe #FacelessFaith 

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